William Hartnell

Billy Heartfailure
The old fossil attempting to understand even the most basic of concepts.
The old fossil attempting to understand even the most basic of concepts.
Actor information
Main role First Doctor
Other roles The Abbot of French Town
Born 8 January 1908
Status Dead (23 April 1975)
Hartnell wasn't always old, here's a photo taken in the mid 1800s, when he went by "Billy the Kid" Hartnell.
Based Hartnell.
RIP in peace.
Hartnell tellin' them damn coloured kids to get off his lawn.

Billiam Fartsmell (better known by his stage name, David Oneant) portrayed the First Doctor and... and, um. I forgot... hmmm. Yes. Well he did something or other. Yes.

Doctor Who?

Actually, William Hartnell is the most badass motherfucker to ever exist, second only to the Brigadier. He kidnapped companions and attempted to bash some motherfucking caveman's head in because he felt like it. He could also fuck up his lines and no one would care because it was the 60s. Cross this stonecold nigga, and you'll be nothing but cinders floating through Spain.

He used to travel with his grandaughter, Lady Larn/Arkytior/Susan Foreman/The Rani, until he realised she would get him killed and ditched her in post-apocalyptic earth with some guy. Later in his life, The Doctor came back and got one of her children killed, whoops.

Race war

In his real life Hartnell was known for his hatred of Jews, blacks, and homosexuals. It was a different time and he likely forgot why he hated them in the first place.

In 1945 Hartnell killed Adolf Hitler bringing his Nazi tally to 47,894. Although he agreed with many of Adolfs points, he thought that his moustache made him look like "too much of a poof"

Best Doctor?

Kind, compassionate, yet mistrustful and abrasive. He was mysterious and often deceitful but fiercely loyal to those he cherished. He had a mischievous thirst for knowledge that often landed him in trouble. 1/10, best doctor.


William Hartnell was born a very sick, frail old man. Here's a full list of all the diseases and sicknesses he suffered from:

  • AIDS
  • Ebola
  • Dementia
  • Depression
  • Cancer (ten types)
  • Gonorrhea
  • Alzheimer's
  • Parkinson's
  • The Plague
  • Dysentery
  • Cholera
  • Diphtheria
  • Mumps
  • Measles
  • Typhoid
  • Leprosy
  • Hepatitis
  • Herpes
  • Vaginal odour
  • Shingles
  • Being old
  • Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (delayed onset)


Based Billy eventually died because his arteries hardened like my peepee when I watch 60's kino. He was given a whopping 1 minute segment on the news that night.

Hartnell's corpse
Sounds kino to me