Twice Upon A Time

Twice Upon A Time
They've announced the name of the Target Novelisation: Doctor Who and the Two Bills.
They've announced the name of the Target Novelisation: Doctor Who and the Two Bills.
Season: 10
Episode: Christmas Special
Vital statistics
Air date 25 December 2017
Written by Steven Moffat
Directed by Rachel Talalay
Episode guide
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The Doctor Falls The Woman Who Fell to Earth
"What, may I inquire, is on your face sir, hmm?"
MY EYES! It appears as if the poor old Bill has fallen under the same curse as Patrick Troughton, Peter Cushing and Carrie Fisher.
Ben is played by a guy who looks as far from Michael Craze as you could get, while the part of Polly has been given to a Barbie doll. 10/10 best casting
>tfw Bradley doesn't sound at all like Hartnell.
— Capaldi, reaching for his hoodie and guitar.
Capaldi watching Gatiss "act".

Twice Upon A Time is the 2017 Christmas Special, the final episode featuring Peter Claptrap as Twelvey, the closing episode of the Steven Moffuck era of the show and the final episode of Doctor Who. Good riddance Goodnight, my sweet prince. It features Mark Gatiss and Toby Whithouse in a Mexican German standoff over who gets to be the next Showruiner. However, in the end, they put away their guns, sing christmas carols, and play a nice game of Chinball.

Also known as TUAT (pronounced exactly how it looks).

/who/ brings you up to speed

It's notable because it features the return of David Bradley to the show, though not as a rapist Dinosaur hoarder or as William Hartnell, but as the genuine article, the "First Doctor". This totally wasn't done because Moffat wanted everyone to think highly about his crappy era now he's gone.

Not like we will anyway, since this episode also brings asBill back and tarnishes her pretty decent departure that happened like 5 minutes ago, features a barely recognizable "Ben" and Barbie as Fake's companions, and also has Mark Shatiss playing the role of the Brigadier's dad/Adolf Hitler/Captain Averlady.

Mobbat has said that, since the First Doka was "not so PC" (because apparently he can't tell the character from the actor playing him), Twelvey chose to become a woman after getting triggered by Fake One telling Bill to get back in the kitchen. GET HYPE.

It also sees the debut of Chodey Dicklicker as the Big Chest Doctor, who's first line of dialogue, while looking at the Sonic Screwdriver, was "Oh look, it's got THREE settings!"

In other words, it'll be GOAT. It was alright.

Check out Moffat's final episode and Capaldi's Last Episode to see the predictions of this special made by shitposters on /who/. They're bound to be entirely correct.

Also, check out the canon Twice Upon A Time page, created by one of our editors to be the true wiki entry for this story, but instantly made redundant by the predating existence of this article. (I guess you could say the page was made twice upon a time, eh? Eh? No?) However, wiki policy indicates that the more useless a page is, the more canon it is, ergo it's the most canon page of them all.


Sorry, I snuck a half a liter of brandy during the course of the episode, so I'm a bit hazy on the details, but...

After defeating the Cybermen, the Doctor realizes he's regenerating. Eager to be rid of his useless companions, he walks out into the snow to die. Already I don't remember their names, it's not like they were real characters anyways. So the Doctor comes across a ranting scotsman sorry, a ranting scotsman in the middle of the snow. They then also encounter Captain Archibald Adolf Averlady Lethbridge-Stewart, inventor of the phone box. It seems he's died in the middle of WW1, but because some ice bitch fucked with him, now he's been trapped with the Doctor because... timey-wimey?

Bill shows up, improbably, and the Doctor and his Scottish friend discover that actually it's all an innocent misunderstanding. You see, at some point in the future, and stay with me because this gets a little crazy, someone is going to invent heaven and use time travel to steal people's minds at the moment of their death. I know I linked to the Promised Land there, but it's also an inverted version of the Tesselecta, which aims to invent hell and use time travel to steal people's minds at the moment of their death. Weird that the Doctor doesn't get all uppity this time around.

After a little investigation the Doctor discovers that those people are coming from New Earth in the year 5,000,000,012. Yet conveniently enough, their magical afterlife timeship from the very far future is still using A FUCKING CHAIN HOIST which thus allows the Doctors to escape with some acrobatics, only because Moffat couldn't think of any other way to include that scene.

Anyways, it turns out the battle the captain was going to die in was interrupted by the Christmas Truce! So that's nice. What's less nice is that the fighting the next day was more brutal and savage than any other seen in the war. Nearly everyone there would be dead within 24 hours. Sorry brig cap.

In the end, the Doctor mopes off to die at the south pole and turn into some fucking hobo, his ring falling off soon after. And meanwhile, elsewhere in time and space, Jodie "The Capaldick Remover" Whittaker suddenly appears in the TARDIS during the midst of an excruciating final speech. She shoots Peter Capaldi dead, right there on the set in front of the crew and audiences the world over, then she turns to the camera, smirks, and says "Nothin' personnel, kid."

She then touches a single button on the TARDIS console and immediately the whole ship explodes and throws her out the door. Women drivers, am I right?



Absolutely GOAT. There couldn't possibly be a better way to end this show than this. BRAVO MOFFAT!!!!

.............wait, what do you mean Series 11?

The trailer.