Twelfth Doctor

"Winning? Is that what you FUCKIN think it’s about YOU TWO PIECE OF SHIT? I’m not trying to win! I’m not doing this because I want to beat someone! Because I hate someone, or because I want to fuck someone! It’s not because it’s fun. God don't knows it’s not because it’s easy! It’s not even because it works, because it hardly ever does! I do what I do because it’s FUCKIN RIGHT! Because it’s decent! And above all, it’s KIND. It’s just that. Just FUCKIN kind. Which you die for? Who i am, is where i stand, where i stand it's where i fall... FUCKITY BYE NOW!"
— Twelfth Doctor
Twelfth Doctor
Played by Peter Capaldi
Years Active 2013 - 2017
First story Deep Breath
Last story Twice Upon A Time
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12 huffing chalk.
12 goes cold turkey.
Operator as fuck.
The Lamp time lord.
Petey Capadiddle in his younger years
Champion hair.

The Twelfth/Thirteenth/Fourteenth Doctor was a commie played by Lord Pietro Capaldini. Also known as "The Scottish Third Doctor", David Twelvant, Literally Reddit: The Doctor and Malcolm Tucker: The Dalek Fucker.

It's a scientifically proven fact that he is The Best Doctor (see Why Capaldi is The Best Doctor for more information.)


When the Eleventh Doctor was lynched for molesting Barnable the Time Lords intervened and gave him a new cycle of regenerations so he could regenerate into Twelvey.

The Twelfth Doctor began his reign by downing a bottle of Scotch and raping a dinosaur. He is operator as fuck and pushed Danny Splink in front of a car so he could have Clara all to himself.

After fucking Clara across all of time and space, the Twelfth Doctor encountered his arch-enemy, the Mattress, who had regenerated into a blanket. The Doctor called in his tin foil pal, CyberBrig, to help him defeat his FO:E.

The Twelfth Doctor then met Davos as a child and learned how to play guitar and started an epic rock band with Pancakes and Mattress. Afterwards he went to meet Davos as an adult and proceeded to steal his wheelchair and called him a "stain on society" and then punched him in the face and flew off.

Twelve and Clara landed in the Viking Era where they met Arya Stark and Odin. Twelve and Ayra beat the shit out of Odin and his robots while the vikings yelled "WORLD STA" and Clara filmed it on her smartphone. Twelve threatened to upload the video to worldstarhiphop unless he leaves and never comes back. Odin left never to return. Arya then had a heart attack and died but Twelve saved her and accidentally made her immortal because HE'S THE LORD OF FUCKING TIME AND HE CAN DO AS HE PLEASES.

Now on Gallifrey, Twelve heads for the high council angry and ready to BLOW THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE Twelve meets Rassilon and curb stomps the shit out of him and kicks him off Gallifrey. "I'm gonna teach you a real lesson now motherfucker. Put your fuckin' mouth on the curb."

He then tricks The General into helping him save Clara and fucks his shit up and when he realizes and tries to stop him. "I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine" Unfortunately Twelve got a bit too reckless and ended up wiping his memory of Clara.

Episode Rankings


God Tier

Great Tier

Good Tier

Mediocre Tier

0/10 will never watch again tier

Memorable Quotes

  • "Kiss my sweaty balls you fat fuck"- The Twelfth Doctor after finding out that the US government hires ten year old interns.
  • "WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?!"- The Twelfth Doctor on his search for Gallifrey.
  • "I've met a lot of psychopaths, but none as fucking boring as you"- The Twelfth Doctor talking to the Mattress
  • "Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off"
  • "From bean to cup, you fuck up."
  • "Pssh, nothin' personnel kid."
  • "We've fucking time traveled, yes?"
  • "TREES!"
  • "Leave the man, it's the girl I want" - Twelvey's last words.



Hurting people, being badass, motorcycles, Berserk, darkness, death, punk rock, skulls, Danny being run over, nine inch nails (the band), UKIP, hot gurls with big boobies who are sluts, skulls, darkness, leather coats, his acid buddy Craig Ferguson, /pol/, Adelef Hitler, fingerless gloves, hats, metal, death


Niceness, happiness, fairness, (only early on for these 3 though,becuase later he had has the mythical and rare effect of character development) PE teachers, bantering, gardening, sunshine, school, authority, normal people, Danny Splink, tripfags, Trump, flowers, Borusa from the academy fuck you Borusa stop showing everyone my crossdressing photos you fucking piece of shit, children, The Mattress, the law, life, police, my granddaughter, capitalism, Stupid People, you


Like Pertwee and Tom, Capaldi has had a lot different variations and costumes he's worn throughout the show.

Whoodies a GOAT.

Here's a picture of all of his variations in S8-9. What's your favorite?


Random Images

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