The Capaldick

Bring the pain.
Various sightings.
And who can blame her?
Jenna and Capaldi
Sittin' in a tree

The Capaldick belongs to Peter Capaldick and is rumored to be comparable in size to a giant anaconda. Recent measurements indicate it is almost 28 feet long with a girth of 44 inches.


The Capaldick is a solitary creature, somewhat shy and not easily seen. Although it is usually well camouflaged, there are some historical reports of early European explorers of the South American jungles seeing a Capaldick up to 100 feet long and some of the native people have reported seeing a Capaldick growing to 500 feet long.


The Capaldick reaches its monumental size on a diet of companions, monsters and real live animals including wild pigs, deer, birds, turtles, and even jaguars. The Capaldick is nonvenomous, coiling its muscular body around captured prey and squeezing until the person/animal asphyxiates. The jaws of the Capaldick allow it to swallow its prey whole, no matter the size, and it can go weeks or months without food after a big meal.

Independent Verification

The following statement was released from a sealed deposition given by Steven Moffat. The deposition was unsealed as the result of a Freedom of Information Act filing requested by the editorial staff of this wiki. It is presented without editing for tone, clarity, or content.

Attached image
The Capaldick spots its next victim.
this picture makes me so hard
the look in her eye, you just KNOW they banged
Capaldi is known to be THE most hung guy in the UK, possibly one of the biggest in the world. his cock has been described as "like an evian bottle", with gargantual thickness that would rival shane diesel and shorty mac. im estimating his size to be at least 8.5" bone pressed, with OVER 7" of girth. he would have absolutely destroyed coleman's pussy.
they would have spent hours and hours on foreplay, getting herself wet enough just so she can take it. i can just imagine her begging for it, with Capaldi barely able to force it past the knob, and coleman moaning and squirming, demanding him to force it in deeper. she would have orgasm'd within seconds of taking the entire length, being filled and stretched right up to her cervix.. the orgasm would have been powerful, with her vaginal muscles clamping down on Capaldi's throbbing monstrosity, her whole body quivering in euphoria..
i bet she still masturbates to the memory of it


Sadly, Clara's fat arse so thoroughly strangled and consumed the Capaldick that, after a period of drying out, it finally inverted as he regenerated into Lucky 13.

See also: