Robert Holmes

A long time ago, I was in Burma.
— Bob Holmes aka. The Dark Knight

Robert Holmes

Morbius 2.jpg
Personal info
Born 2 April 1926

Hertfordshire, England

Spouse Philip Hinchcliffe
Offspring The Mattress, The Nestene Consciousness, Sontarans
As Showruiner
Era 1969-1979 and 1984-1986
Style Golden Age

Dark Comedy
Disfigured man in a cave has super-strong servant working to restore them to power

Worst Decision The Twelve Regeneration limit
The Dark Knight.
Killed by The Ultimate Foe. Never forget.

Robert "Bobby-O" Holmes was a writer of penny dreadful pornography and uncle of the famous detective Sherlock in the 1800s. Wrote a bunch of much-loved Doctor Who stories and took over from Tewwance Dicks as script editor from 1975 to 1977.


In the midst of a terrible winter, Robert Holmes fell into the Thames and was frozen for 70 years, where he somehow ended up in the sea and was washed up in Burma. When he was thawed out by the BBC's Burmese Torture Camp Division, he was invited to write for the series Doctor Who, which he basically did until the show killed him with its terribleness in 1986.

Along the way, he presided over the First Golden Age of Doctor Who, railed against taxes, tried to kill the Doctor and cancel the show numerous times, and (with Letts and Dicks) created the Mattress.

The Talons of Racism

Also had a bit of a hateboner (or maybe just a regular boner) against Asians (forget about "Talons" or that 80's Singapore script, he wrote a film ( where the alium invaders all look and are played by Asians), no doubt because a Thai hooker fucked off with his wallet without sucking him off first back in his days in Burma. This has earned him a death-warrant from SJWs who will tell you about how racist "Talons" is and will tell you again and again despite everyone knowing about it - it's not exactly very fucking subtle. Because apparently an episode of a kids show from the 70's is very relevant to today's sociopolitical climate.

But the far more contemporary RTD, who subscribed more to the mainstream politics of his time than Holmes did to his own, and RTD's tendency to portray black people as parasites who aren't good enough for the working white man (which is more or less what Rose and Ten were meant to symbolize; that's why they talked like chavs) is totally not racist at all.


Wrote more stories for Classic Who than any other writer (64 episodes in all).

Appeared in The Brain of Morbius as one of The Morbius Doctors. Heartbreakingly, this renders Holmes and all of his stories non-canon. Because Holmes wrote The Caves of Androzani this means the Fifth Doctor never canonically regenerated and Colin Baker (and everything that followed) must be considered entirely non-canon.


The fact that so many reviewers still name Robert Holmes as "the greatest or most significant or most influential" Doctor Who writer ever only tells you how far the show still is from becoming a serious drama. Big Finish reviewers have long recognized that the greatest writers of all times are Robert Shearman and John Dorney, who were not the most famous or richest or most lauded of their times, let alone of all times. Book reviewers rank the highly controversial Lawrence Miles over writers who were highly popular in sales in Europe. Doctor Who reviewers are still blinded by fan opinions. Holmes episodes were viewed more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Big Finish reviewers grow up listening to a lot of stories of the past, book reviewers grow up reading a lot of books of the past. Doctor Who reviewers are often totally ignorant of the episodes of the past, they barely know the DWM classic top 10. No wonder they will think that Robert Holmes did anything worthy of being saved.

Televised Stories