John Barrowman

John Barrowman
Barrowman tranny Doctor when?!
Barrowman tranny Doctor when?!
Actor information
Main role Jack Harkness
Other roles Is there any need for him to have another?
Born 11 March 1967
Status Alive,Positive, and meeting anons on Grindr
Heard daily on the Doctor Who set.
Never forget
Top of the pops.
Is that Hayley Atwell? No, wait...
Barrowman-Approved porn.

John "I was just having a good time" Barrowman (aka. Captain Jacked Hardness) is the current embodiment of Dionysus, greek god of lust and partying. And you know what those greeks liked to get up to, right?

That's right, music.

And Barrowman's a big guy in the musical theater scene, if you know what I mean. Yeah, Tallulah knows what I'm talking about.

Untamed Sexuality

Barrowman also showed that it was not, in fact, impossible for schlubby 4chaners to make it with the glamorous celebrities of their dreams when he totally fucked an anonymous at a hotel after meeting on Grindr. Man, I gotta get on that app.

Barrowman also once got into minor mischief for inducting the man next to him on an airplane into the Mile High Club. Now, let's examine that. Airplanes are large, sure, but they aren't exactly social clubs. The odds that any individual sitting next to you is in the same particular demographic as you (in this case, dudes who like penis) is incredibly small. The more statistically (and, frankly, erotically) plausible scenario is that a straight man sat down next to Barrowman and a gay man got up to leave. That's how gay John Barrowman is, he's so gay that it rubs off on you.

So, y'know, Mekhi Phifer better be careful...


Besides musicals and being a presenter on various British things, his other major TV role is being Merlin in The Arrow, The Flash, and Legends of Tomorrow, but still not being in Greg Berlanti no matter how many shows Greg casts him for. Poor Greg; maybe putting him in Supergirl will do the trick. (Yes, even if it's Melissa Benoist that he's in, it's still gay sex, because anything John Barrowman is involved in legally counts as gay sex.)