Ian Levine

Oh how the worm turns.
Ian Levine
Artist's depiction.
Artist's depiction.
Personal info
Born 22nd June 1953
Spouse JNT
Offspring None
As Showruiner
Era Mid 80's
Style Shite
Worst Decision Doctor Who
His voice sounds exactly like you think it would.
Ian and his boys.
Even Planet Mondas thought Ian was being a fucking idiot here.
THE TRUTH (not written by Ian)
Well, to be fair...
Ian displeased.
One of the great fuck offs.
Ian REEEEEEvine.jpg

Ian Levine (better known as The Abzorbaloff) is the greatest cunt of them all and would gladly piss on Philip Morris given the chance. He was born on22nd June 1953.

His great claim to fame is that he once saved some early Doctor Who stories from getting deleted by the BBC, thereby preventing them from becoming missing episodes (pity he can never shut the fuck up about how he SAVED THE SHOW and how we should all send him money and chocolates.)

He later went onto become JNT's dick warmer and helped ruin the show forever in the 80's. He now runs Planet Kembel, believed to be some sort of gay dating site.

In 2017 after the Thirteenth Doctor was announced as a woman, Levine took to Twitter claiming that Chinballer Supremo had killed the show. Well Levine has experience there, so I guess he'd know...

Ian has finally given up on Doctor Who and moved onto greener, more fruitful pastures: Babylon 5.

Early Life

It is not certain where his destinct brand of insanity comes from. It's commonly believed he was actually once a beautiful forest elf, but unwilling to fully submit to God, Ian Levine decided to strike his own path, and fled to a basement filled with what were meant to be junked Doctor Who serials and terrible disco records. Gorging himself on this media, he became the yeast of thought and mind we know today.

The hero we deserve

His behaviour when it comes to Doctor Who is childish at best and gives ordinary, decent people (otherwise known as TRUE FANS) a bad name.

In addition to his disastrous attempts at songwriting (Doctor in Distress) and show-writing (the continuity nightmare Attack of the Cybermen), he doesn't know when to stop acting like a village idiot and keep his mouth shut.


Because Philip Morris wasn't a thing yet, Ian Levine was so famous and "popular" that he was the main inspiration for a monster, the Absorbaloff (no, really). And we're still waiting for a Philip Morris monster.

Now has a Kiwi Farms page.


He has written many awful songs (such as the abysmal "Doctor In Distress" and the theme for the television programme "K-9 and Company"), is wickedly homosexual and is regarded as a joke within the globe-spanning Doctor Who community.

Levine also, hilariously, financed a private project to recreate the incomplete 1979 Doctor Who story Shada with animation and newly recorded dialogue from many surviving cast members and actually thought someone would give a damn and release it on DVD; he probably was hoping for some of that sweet BBC-sucking money.

The commissioning editor for Doctor Who DVD's didn't use Levine's animation on the DVD though and probably chuckled delightedly as Levine fumed helplessly for months about it. The cunt later released his version under the not-at-all-egotistical title "The Levine version" on torrent sites on October 12, 2013.

According to Wikipedia, he is a "noted moderniser of Northern soul music in the UK", whatever the blithering fuck that means.

Levine claims to have the only complete set of DC Comics in the world, with at least one copy of each DC comic book sold at retail from the 1930s to present, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Fucking hates Lawrence Miles. Larry later described Levine as a "Hutt-esque fanlord", in loving reference to his ample girth.

Also notable for being told to fuck off by RTD.

Ian used to "procure" young boys for JNT to have sex with in exchange for access to the production.

In 2015, Ian mocked a ten year old fan of the show after a video emerged of him interviewing Tom Baker. When it was pointed out that the boy was autistic he said he wasn't aware of this fact but still refused to publicly apologise, instead issuing a sort of non-apology that basically told anyone criticising him to FUCK OFF CUNTS (in characteristic CAPS LOCK).


As a result, this ten year old boy was universally accepted into fandom and has gone on to meet many of the stars of the show (including the BBC inviting him as a VIP to the series 9 première just to piss off Levine) while Levine bemoaned the fact that he had a stroke (a fact that he ALWAYS brings up whenever anyone questions his motives for living) leaving his face and arm droopy like so much play-doh). Sadly, this has not had an effect on his ability to call everyone a cunt, wish death on fan's children and breathe.


In spite of everything, Levine's pattern now seems almost standard for fan behavior, because Philip Morris is as much of an idiot as he is (plus, ever been to Toho Kingdom's forums? They're entirely composed of Godzilla fans who all act like Ian Levine. Right down to being cunts to Autistic children and ALL CAPS), thus proving that there is no bottom of the barrel.

Ian tragically killed himself after the reveal of the Thirteenth Basil. We discovered that his final composition was "Doctor in this Dress". Fans were evenly divided as to whether this was the worst thing Ian Levine ever composed, or the worst thing anybody ever composed.

...Only to regenerate into Philip Morris, proving them to be the same once and for all. Ian's body was wearing a bit thin... er, sorry, wearing a bit fat?

Apparently there was a "possible remote hope" of him keeping an open mind that was utterly demolished once Bradley Walsh entered the scene. BRAVO, WALSHY

Ian shares his name with a gay porn actor from the US, a fact he was notably unhappy about upon discovering; possibly due to his desire to have a raunchy porn career of his own.


Every frame of this video is worse than the last frame, and it's 49 minutes long.
Wait until you see Levine in costume...