Fifth Doctor

Keep silent, idiot.
— Panna to the Fifth Doctor.
Fifth Doctor
Fivey and his decorative vegetable
Fivey and his decorative vegetable
Played by Peter Davison
Years Active 1982 - 1984
First story Castrovalva
Last story The Caves of Androzani
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qt3.14 Fivey stuck in a permanent look of fear. Davison's face was time locked in this expression to play the part of the Fifth Doctor.
Fivey seeks celery advice.
Based Fivey.
Fivey fans in a nutshell
The Fifth Doctor's catchphrase.
Fivey meets Sixie.
This can't be good. Adric is still alive.
Turlough beating off Fivey.
Fivey get.
Fivey being grabbed from behind by a yellow coloured villain as he makes a pained facial expression was a common sight in his era.
The Fifth Doctor Teaches You How to Dougie.

The Fifth Doctor, also known as "The Comfy Tenth Doctor", was played by actor Peter Davison, also known by his other stage name, David Fiveant, from 1982 - 1984 until he was killed by Peri's tits and regenerated into Sixie.


Fivey took over from Four in Legopolis, his first real story being Castrovulva. Except he doesn't count as a canon doctor because he's really fucking boring. It's actually a Baker to Baker regeneration. Fifth Doctor is no longer canon. Mostly remembered for the nineteenth season episode All Monsters Great And Small where he sticks his hand up a cow's anus.


In actuality the Fifth Doctor is underrated and has arguably the comfiest tenure in the history of the show (don't you dare skip Fivey) if you're a great fan of the color beige and the ice cream flavour vanilla.

The only people who hate Five are plebs who have no grasp of subtlety and think "being interesting" is about making wisecracks and offering jelly babies instead of actually having a three-dimensional character.

Wait guys, let's relax. You're allowed to hate or love Fivey, it's ok. Really, no need for a silly edit war. Let's all be reasonable, like Fivey would want us to (because Fivey is the besty).

Reminder that celery.

The Overcrowded TARDIS

The Fifth Doctor had so many travelling companions that you couldn't have fit them all on a double decker bus if you had ground them into a fine paste, which will sound like a tempting proposition after you watch them doing literally nothing for episodes at a time.

This TARDIS crew was notorious for being the most irresponsible and juvenile in the history of the show. Five traveled with party-hard companions such as:

  • Tegan Jovanka, an "Australian" flight attendant who got blackout drunk every serial.
  • Vislor Turlough, an alien thug originally meant to bust a cap in the Doc's ass who later said "suck it" to his old crew and joined the Doc's posse.
  • Nyssa of Traken, an intergalactic whore who took it hard from Turlough and The Doctor every night.
  • Adric, who took LSD regularly and wrote up insane equations that, in one episode, made the Doctor go all like "The fuck?"
  • Peri Brown, who was actually the only person in the Fifth Doctor's TARDIS that didn't sleep around, get drunk, or high, and brought a civil manner back to the TARDIS shortly before the Fifth Doctor regenerated into the Sixth Doctor. However, she was ridiculously hot and it's theorized that the Fifth Doctor may have licked several parts of her body while she slept.


The Fifth Doctor and Peri contracted spectrox toxemia (aka. herpes) on the planet of Androzani Minor. For the duration of his last serial, The Caves of Androzani, the Doctor ran around corridors, like always, in search of the queen bat's milk meant to cure himself and Peri. When he and Peri got back to the TARDIS with the milk, Peri was all fucked up.  

At this point in his life, the Fifth Doctor felt partied out, said "fuck it", and gave Peri all the milk even though there was more than enough for the both of them. In his dying state, he got to view some major Peri cleavage, and told her that he was uncertain of his ability to regenerate in order to make her sob more and thus lurch over his dying body more, the sick fuck. 

The Fifth Doctor's dying words were "All my bitches love me", likely attributed to the fact that Adric's death taught him the importance of the dougie.


Notable episodes

Memorable Quotes

"Well, that's democracy for you." ~Fivey relaying his communist manifesto to a young Karl Marx.

"An apple a day keeps the, uh... oh, nevermind." ~Stupid Fivey.

"Well... it wouldn't be cricket." ~Fivey on being introduced to the idea of baseball.

"Check 'em." - Fivey on repeating digits.

"Fuck you Adric." ~Fivey in the episode Earthshock.

"Oh, marvellous. You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation." - Fivey making friends.

"A man is the sum of his faps you know... a Time Lord even more so."

"There should have been another way!" ~Fivey burned the tea again.

"Brave fart, Tegan."

"Unless of course I can find the antidote! I owe it to my young friend to try because I got her into this. So you see, I'm not going to let you stop me now!" ~Fivey raping Peri.

"Is this death?" ~Fivey shortly before regenerating into the Pie Doctor.

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