Colin Baker

(Redirected from Colin "Pie Lord" Baker)
Colin Pie-Baker
Gaze into the face of fear.
Gaze into the face of fear.
Actor information
Main role Sixth Doctor
Other roles Commander Maxil
Born 8 June 1943
Status Alive and swimming in pies.
"Why live", you ask? It's simple, dear boy. Pies.
Glorious, glorious pies.
Colin's portrayal.
A freshly-regenerated Sixie gets his priorities in order.
Colin on Jenna.
Lookin' good.
Why have you forsaken me?
The Laughing Cow.jpg
Absolute canon.
"Now if you'll excuse me, there's a bakery with my name on it- or my name isn't Baker."
This is what happens when you sacrifice your hair for pies.

Colin "The Other" Baker (aka. Porn Colin, The Stranger, The Pie Lord) is Tom Baker's younger and less endowed (but still very well endowed) brother [citation needed], and is best known for playing Commander Maxil in the ITV children's show Docteroo.


Colin played the based Sixth Doctor who (ha) was known for his sadistic fetishes, which included donning the Coat, strangling his lovers, pushing them into acid baths and giving a quick-witted quip, and eating them. He is infamous for being the worst Doctor in history due to the shows terrible writing, which was entirely his fault.

Despite being at the bottom of every Doctor Who ranking poll, he has starred in such masterpieces as Jubilee, The Holy Terror, and The One Doctor, so haters can suck it.


Colin was first sighted in 1752 by the astronomer Marquis Sigfried Von Colinbakerstein in his orbit beyond the edge of the solar system. Though the planet was known and studied by actors and scientists for centuries, it was only until the 1980's when space exploration was advanced to such an extent that humanity could extract the planet from orbit and carry him to the earth to utilise his unique acting abilities.


Colin's acting was so fucking based that he got to sleep with JNT and shoot Peter Davison to get the part of The Doctor. After one season of his GOAT performance, the Big Black Cocks decided they felt intimidated by his endowment - they then killed his son and said not very nice things about him before finally trapping the show in a time lock for 18 months. To retaliate against their tyranny, Colin went on a body cleansing diet of pies and bourbon and henceforth became the Pie Lord of Time and Space.

Trial of a Pie Lord

After baking Michael Grade's children into pies and consuming them, the show became freed from its time lock. Colin, however, was extremely drunk on bourbon at this point and thought that all of Season 23 was actually real; he felt he was, in fact, the Doctor in a courtroom defending himself from the Thyme Lawds. The upside of this was that Colin's acting was even more GOAT than the most GOAT, though unfortunately he drove off in a drunken rage after his speech in The Owltimate Foe and allegedly ran over Danny Splink. Jon Pertweeni was pleased.

Life after who

Colin bore no ill will towards Sylvester for replacing him.

After being fired from Doctor Shoe, Colin disappeared and lived in the sewers below London. There he spent many years feasting on human waste until the late 90's when he hooked up with Paul McGann and started making Audio Plays together with him in his basement. These audios helped redeem Colin's Doctor, or at least they would have if they were canon.

He also made six The Stranger videos and four audios for BBV.


These days Colin lives in a house made of gingerbread with Leela and spends his free time collecting ham. He also often shows up to conventions and attempts to lick the autism off of as many fans as possible before his inevitable death in a custard-induced coma.


Colin is notable for being the only Doctor who (ha) refused to have a regeneration scene into his successor due to his run in with the law and subsequent time living apart from society. Some speculate that Sylvester "Manliest Manlet" McCoy had orchestrated the whole accident to get the part of the cunning and dickish Seventh Doctor, but I mean, look at his silly face. You wouldn't expect it of the little manlet, how could he do such a thing?


Colin Baker with his Goats.

On other occasions Baker has been judged as a very talented actor and one of the best Doctors. The reason for his denial of fame on this wiki is because he hasn't starred in enough stories that Doctor Dick McWank Cunt (properly pronounced Doctor Who) actually was good.

Then again it was JNT's idea to make the Doctor's era really violent, so you can't blame Baker, so blame JNT and his famed dick warmer Mr. Levine.