The Royal family, seen here watching Last of the Time Lords

The Sceptered Isle of Britannia is a landmass Northwest of mainland Europe. The nation was formed when Jesus was born in Lancashire. It is currently engaged in a major conflict as immigrants continue to infiltrate its borders. Guns are not permitted and everybody is required but not really required but still required to own a TV License. Britannia in the past has been known to invade countries with little provocation. Many nations were annexed by the British, to the point that much of the world was under their control. Somewhere along the line, a bunch of pussies came into power and fucked up big time. It was all over in a century.

Americlaps are obsessed with British culture to the point that it has become an annoying meme. British flags are part of many clothing designs that hipsters and tumblrtards wear. For some strange reason, everybody in the world has at least an unconscious desire to live in THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON PLANET EARTH (The UK).

The Shape of the Empire

Figure 1.1: The Royal Diagram

Right, pay attention, because this shit always causes confusion in simple minded amerifolk.

  • The British Empire (AKA Britain)
    • The United Kingdom (AKA Britain)
    • The Virgin Islands (Where /who/ posters come from, heyo!) and 13 other BOTs
      • Antarctica BOT's population of Cybermen (since 1986) are legally British subjects unless and until they ask for a Cyberreferendum, according to Tony Blair
    • The Penal Colony of Australia
    • The Falklands
    • Crown Possessions: 3 islands owned directly by the Queen like little Corgi dogs
      • Jersey and Guernsey are important to WWII, which you can use to demonstrate that the Seventh Doctor has moral complexity (aka befriending and saving Hitler) that his predecessors didn't, hence the VNAs
      • The Isle of Man matters to all children of about the right age to be watching Doctor Who, because you can make your classmates say something that sounds like "I Love Man" and then punch them for being poofs

As an aside, "Great Britain" is so named because it's larger than a particular part of France, Brittany, while not actually being larger than France itself. And that's the British mentality in a nutshell.

Population Statistics

A street in downtown London (taken 2013).

Current ethnic composition (survey from 2009):

  • 65% identify as African American, which is rather strange since it is Europe.
  • 15% identify as Pakistani.
  • 5% identify as approximately 1/32nd Native American and collect benefits from based Cameron.
  • 5% identify as Romani and are there to be the subject of political debates.
  • 5% are Belgian infiltrators there to upset the natural order of things.
  • 4.99% of the population identify as British.
  • The remaining individuals consider themselves to be Gallifreyan in origin and frequently post on Tumblr.

Current religious composition (survey from 2010):

  • 95% identify as atheist (specifically the fedora-tipping variety).
  • 7.23% identify as "Jedi" and are insufferable company as well as bad at maths.
  • 5% identify as Muslim (specifically the bomb-throwing variety).

British Television and Cinema

British have no fucking idea how to make movies and make only one classic every 20 years, because their good movie-makers are either filched or assassinated by Hollywood in America (this is why we're stuck with Moffat on Doctor Who). Their television, however, is world-renowned. Current hits include Sherlock and Literally Who. Most of their shows are hits in every country with access to them. Many people binge-watch them on Netflix.

British actors are incredibly popular and generally appear in Hollywood films where their careers are destroyed. American women literally cannot achieve orgasm without picturing David Tennant or Bennybun Cucumberdiddle as their partner.

The British Language

The peoples of this quaint and wacky island nation speak a heavily mongrelized version of the American language that seems to have replaced a number of words we commonly use, often rendering their speech and televisual products nearly unintelligible to anyone else. A short sample:

“Oi, me feet!”  
“You wot mate?”
“Mah feet be all knackered like.  Me mum’s been avin at me to give the dennist up road a go wot, and ah’ve been running away frommer, avven I?”  
“You havven a larf guv?  Fancy a warm cuppa and a spot oh Doctah ‘Oo on telly instead, me droogies?”
"Cor blimey but that show's pants, innet?!"

British Strategy

Welcome to Britain.

Britain is a large island off the coast of Western Europe, containing England, Scotland, Wales and some other places nobody really gives a fuck about. England has many neighboring islands which are perfect candidates for subjugation. With most starts, however, you are forced to annex Scotland or at the very least make them a vassal. It's pretty difficult to get anywhere in the game without holding Scotland down as England. After a certain amount of time, you should be able to demand annexation if Scotland is your vassal. You get a bit of infamy from this but it's not anywhere near the limit even on hard mode. After fifty years of having Scotland, you will gain cores on them. This will allow you to enact the decision to "Form British Nation".

See also